You know what they say, nothing in life is free. And thanks to its inexpensive nature I can give nothing to all the people I love. I’m glad I could help with my advice!

Always wash your hands after urinating, wear beige shirts and make sure to include plenty of fruits and vegetables in your diet.

Yesterday? Air and fire move fast, but not that fast. Wait a week and message me again if you are still a virgin and/or interested in him by then.

Unless by “interests me” you mean that you want to have sex with him. In which case I suggest that you have sex with him.

Caught how?

Do you feel emotionally conflicted and unsure of your affections for two individuals who are both very dear to you in their own way or are you messaging me from a confined space because your naked and sweaty bodies are entangled with each other after a physically satisfying yet poorly planned and ill-positioned threesome?

Either way, I suggest the input and outside perspective of a trusted fourth party (ideally an earth sign such as Taurus, Capricorn or Virgo).

The easiest explanation is that you, as a mutable sign, simply clash too many times with the projects, views and ideas the cardinal sign (Capricorn) has created and the fixed sign (Leo) has sought to maintain and uphold. You are a free spirit with new ideas and the stable pair does not always appreciate your input. This site will offer a little more information on the subject.

I can see where this question is going. You already know that you’ve made a huge mistake with this relationship, but you’re worried to bring up the issue, because Scorpios can be terrifying signs and, quite frankly, possessive maniacs (or “dedicated lovers”, if you’re into that sort of thing).

So I assume that you were hoping for a quirky list of the ups and downs of a Taurus & Scorpio relationship so that you could use it to broach the subject of your inevitable separation to your Scorpio. You probably would have smiled and agreed with the perks and then laughed about the problems and casually suggested some “time off” to think about them which I can only guess you would have used to get the hell out and on a plane to Lanzarote (or maybe the Costa de la Luz, which is a fantastic place for a Taurus-born to escape the law or former lovers).

But you know what that would mean for me? It would mean that, instead of taking a critical look at problems that may have existed for a long time, your Scorpio partner would instead obsessively blame my advice for the end of your relationship. They would hold me responsible and - sorry to have to tell you this outright - I’m simply getting too old to engage in armed combat with water signs.

I’m truly sorry I couldn’t help you with your plan and I genuinely and sincerely wish you the best of luck, but this is just not my battle.

I could give you an answer to your compatibility question, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise. I’m sure you’ll find out in due time.

As for the kinks, I recommend obscene phone calls (preferably during your partner’s working or studying hours to enhance the thrill), foot worship and surprising your partner in military uniform.

Some of the animals may not be low-maintenance, but they are definitely wonderful pets if you’re willing to put some effort and patience into taking care of them. The reason I chose them above other animals is because your average pet choices (cats, dogs,…) have a very broad appeal whereas those suggestions recommend creatures just as fascinating and unique as the signs themselves.

Also I understand that many fears can seem “ridiculous” to those not suffering from them, but even irrational fears are no less valid and no less of a real problem to the people they concern. I’m happy for anyone who’s been spared this anxiety in their life, but please don’t make light of other people’s problems.